Monday, 7 December 2015

9 DPO, temperature dip, hope lost!

So ladies, I've woken up at 9DPO and my temperature has dipped. What a bloody surprise!

I did say I was going to do one last cycle, over Christmas, but are not going to bother. There is absolutely no point in trying to conceive any longer.

We have both given as much as we can give with our trying to conceive journey, we have done everything from vitamins, BBT charting, soya isoflavones, ovulation prediction kits, timed intercourse, pre-seed, conceive plus, evening Primrose oil, nasty cough medicine, coconut oil,  L'argentine, L'Carnitine, given up smoking and even artificial insemination.

It has been a very long hard 16 months. I never thought I would be one of those women, who had to try for a long period of time. I took my fertility for granted. I am not proud of this.

After I lost Jake, I took it for granted that the cycle after I would fall pregnant again because Jake's pregnancy was on the back of another miscarriage. I'd heard that your fertility is increased after a miscarriage and this definitely makes sense.

With Christmas fast approaching, I want to focus on Jakes first Christmas. I cuddle his teddy pretending it's him, I wish it was the real Jake but he was taken away in March this year.

There are no words to describe this pain, the pain of infertility and miscarriages. 

For these past 16 months, I have spent most of it online researching what would help and why it would help. None of which has obviously proved to be of any use. Our plans for the moment are to simply give up. We have spent 16 months of our life devoted to trying to conceive our Rainbow.

We are going to enjoy Christmas with the family we have left, this is a very hard part of the year for us. I would give anything to watch Jake open his Christmas presents this year, he would be in our arms whilst we opened his presents for him. He would be around eight weeks old for Christmas. 

I will still do my live pregnancy test tomorrow, just don't be too disappointed (like me) when it's a Big. Fat. Negative.

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